Friday, December 9, 2011

Go to your room! and other parenting fallacies.

Ive been surprised by the number of people who seem offended when they find out that I feel like sending my youngest to her room is wrong and innefective as discipline. So I thought Id try to explain why I feel this way.
First, its NOT that Im always against sending a child to their room.  Half an hour with a book in a quiet room can be a huge blessing for an overwhelmed child.
This particular child though has a huge issue with being told no. She is stubborn to the core and would spend 3 straight hours arguing with you if she thought she might finally get her way.
Mom can J come over? No mam J's mom and I haven't made any arrangements and your brother is sick. " oh well I could go over there" " what if she happens to walk over here" why not? well what if? and on and on and on.
This usually progresses to me forbidding her to utter another word on the subject for the rest of the day, and sadly, it often progresses from there.
So why not just send her to her room , get her out of my hair and not have to listen to it? Well I tried it a few times and it seemed much easier. I must admit it makes me so angry to have to go through this over and over again and I really DON'T want to deal with it.
After just a few times of go to your room I saw the ugly consequence for this particular child. Her sense of entitlement increased. She became more angry at me for not letting her do what she wanted,. The longer she stayed the more sullen and pouty she became and anything I tried to tell her when she came out just bounced right back at me.
When I keep her with me I can guide her, model correct responses, and help her work to control her emotions. When she still has work to do but I see she is trying , I can immediatly praise that effort.  Thats my goal because Id rather be less comfortable now than to have a young adult who can't keep a job because she dosen't have any respect for authority and cannot graciously accept that in life , more often than you'd like, the answer is no.

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